Robert Pattinson

I know you're everywhere these days, so you're probably getting for-real fanmail that's 10 times creepier than this missive will ever be, but I will do my level best to profess the depth of my esteem for you.

I first felt stirrings of fanliness when Goblet of Fire came out. "Who is this attractive man who is closest to my age of all the actors in the Harry Potter movies, and therefore the most appropriate man to be attracted to?" I thought to myself. "And why does his character stare intensely at young Harry? I wish he'd stare that way at me."

I bought the movie when it came out, even though I didn't particularly think it was that good. And do you know why? It was for you, Mr. Pattinson (The music video in the extras of The Wyrd Sisters song was pretty cool too, but I digress). You, with your tousled hair and perpetually flushed cheeks. There was something about you.

After the hubbub died down, you disappeared for awhile from American movies. You did a few roles, but I was unable to locate your movies (damn those limited releases!). I despaired of seeing you again.

But what rumblings did I hear on the internet? The Twilight movie? Was it true? Yes! You were playing the lead character! Oh happy day!

There was a grey lining to this silver cloud. Upon researching the Twilight books, I discovered that they were unreadably bad. What would this mean for the movie? Unwatchably bad? Oh dear oh dear.

Is this a test? Must I endure the travesty that is the Twilight movie? Indeed I must; nothing could keep me away from an RPattz movie. Not even Mormon vampires.

Yours,
Rachel